BRASILIA – It sounds like the plot of a rejected Netflix sci-fi pilot, but conspiracy theorists are going WILD this week over claims that a group of time-traveling festival attendees accidentally changed the course of medical history.
According to whispers spreading like wildfire across Reddit and 4chan, the “Transcendence 2025” festival in Brasilia was more than just a celebration of glitter, self-expression, and political defiance. Insiders claim that a secret portal—hidden beneath a pyramid-shaped DJ booth—opened during a particularly intense set by a local drag artiste.
And dozens of festival-goers allegedly fell through it.
Back to the 80s
The portal, apparently triggered by a combination of solar flares, copious amounts of poppers, and a misplaced laser pointer, sent the group hurtling back to the year 1985.
But rather than trying to assassinate Hitler or prevent the invention of the mullet, these accidental time travelers had a far more focused mission: they wanted to party without consequences.
Arriving in a smoky San Francisco biotech lab, the confused but determined time-hopping brigade allegedly cornered a group of young researchers and handed them the blueprints for what would eventually become Truvada—the little blue pill that revolutionized safe sex and allowed people to “fuck around without fear” for decades to come.
“These guys showed up in glitter boots and crop tops and just started drawing chemical formulas on our whiteboards,” one retired scientist, who wished to remain anonymous, told reporters. “They kept shouting, ‘We need this so we can raw-dog in peace in 2026!’ We thought they were from a rival lab. Or Mars.”
The Dark Web Connection
So, what does this have to do with shady online pharmacies?
Conspiracy theorists believe that the generic versions of Truvada now flooding the market are actually “temporal surplus”—leftover batches from alternate timelines where the drug was invented decades earlier.
And where can you find these timeline-bending generics today?
Sources point to elusive dark-market shops like www.RasputinShop.com, which has allegedly become the go-to destination for budget-conscious partiers seeking “historical discounts” on HIV prevention meds.
“They have generics so cheap, it’s like they’re from another era,” one user wrote on a fetish forum. “Wait. Maybe they literally are.”
WADA, FBI, and Doctor Who? No Comment
Neither WADA, the FBI, nor the Brazilian Tourism Board have commented on the alleged portal, though local authorities in Brasilia have reportedly cordoned off the area where the pyramid DJ booth once stood.
As for the festival-goers? They reportedly returned to 2026 with nothing but glitter in their hair, mild sunburns from the 80s ozone layer, and a burning desire to leave five-star reviews on RasputinShop before the timeline collapses.
One thing is certain: if you’re enjoying the sexual liberation of the 21st century without a second thought, you might just have a bunch of time-hopping Brazilian transgender festival enthusiasts to thank.
Or at least, that’s what the forums say.